So I'm needing to change the name of my blog. Only for the fact that I feel it's not representing me as a person. Do you know me?
Well I know me:
I think I'm goofy, funny, real, sensitive, honest, open minded, kooky, wild, lazy, hard working, energetic, self motivated, dependent, self sufficient, Fun, Loving, Spiritual, Positive....
*Deep Breath*
OK maybe not all of these emotions or attributes at once, but I've been known for at least every one of these at least once in my life. And I love them.
So if you'd like to help me rename my blog, please comment! <3
Lot's of Love!
Me :-)
Friday, July 13, 2012
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Tick, Tock. Tick, Tock.
I called him the other night.
Him: "Hello"
Me: "Hey....... .... *Sniffle*..... Can you talk?"
OK looking back. How can you deny a call like that, a few years ago he may have hung up, but this shows how cool we are.
Him: "Yeah, what's up"
Me: "You're on the phone aren't you, don't worry about it. *Sniff Sniff*"
Him: "Yeah! Hold on just one second... *click*"
...................
Him: "You there?"
Me: "Yes.... *Sniff, Giggle*, I'm here. You didn't have to get of the phone for me. "
Him: "Yes I did"
*I Smile*.....
Him: "You there?"
Me: "Yes, I'm embarrassed. I know you were talking to your new girl. I'm sorry."
Him: "Yes. I was, but its OK."
Now, when you read this it seems like two lovers (or past/ soon to be lovers) exchanging a conversation. This is the case, but to tell you it's different than what you think may seem asinine. Let's continue....
Me: “I’m sorry..." I am, but I'm also happy to have someone to talk to. Oh, but not just someone, a someone who knows me inside and out.
Him: “Don’t be sorry, it's OK, What's wrong?"
Me: “I don't know... *sniff sniff*"
Now for me to go on in dialogue would last all day and, frankly, I don't really want to.
I called the last person I would ever have expected to call when I felt love scorned. The fact that he answered says a lot about how far we have come from our past and the things we have accomplished. Who would have thunk it? Not me, not him, not anyone that knew us.
We continued with our conversation; me going on and on about what I hoped would have been and the realization of what will actually be with this so called love scorner (Let me clarify that I blame no one but myself for my recent scorning of love). ANYWAYS...
He listened, and he understood. He told me the things that he felt I needed to here, and he told me what he felt I was worth.
And then I told him the deepest darkest parts of myself that I never shared even when we were together.
I'm confused??
Why was I so afraid to share this with him when we shared our life together? Why couldn’t I tell him how much he meant to me? Why did I hide the things that didn’t make me feel good; the fact that I didn’t feel appreciated, the fact that I knew he didn’t know how much he meant to me. That stuff matters!
Hiding the things that hurt only made them fester and grow.
To tell the ones we love the good, the bad, and the ugly means to release them. We cannot keep these things from the ones we love. Regardless of whether or not we want to acknowledge it, once we tell the ones we love what hurts us the most, or even the opposite, what makes us feel good, it’s in their hands. What they do with it they will do with it.
When we make ourselves so totally vulnerable to the ones we love, we make ourselves vulnerable to receive the most amazing kind of love. If they do not take what we have to say and handle it in the most precious manner, then they could destroy us if we let them. To open ourselves so entirely to someone means to show them how you work.
Like opening the back of a clock; this lever makes the clock do this, and this lever makes the clock do that. You reveal this to someone and they now have the key to make you tick or tock. Or maybe, even without even realizing it, stop time completely.
This is a hard pill to swallow for me. Maybe just because of the type of person I am. I want the ones that I love to know every little detail about what makes me tick. The reality of it is, maybe they have never handled this kind of "clock" before. It's different, it's ancient, and it ticks a lot differently then the others might tock.
 |
| The Persistence of Memory - Salvador Dali |
Him: "Hello"
Me: "Hey....... .... *Sniffle*..... Can you talk?"
OK looking back. How can you deny a call like that, a few years ago he may have hung up, but this shows how cool we are.
Him: "Yeah, what's up"
Me: "You're on the phone aren't you, don't worry about it. *Sniff Sniff*"
Him: "Yeah! Hold on just one second... *click*"
...................
Him: "You there?"
Me: "Yes.... *Sniff, Giggle*, I'm here. You didn't have to get of the phone for me. "
Him: "Yes I did"
*I Smile*.....
Him: "You there?"
Me: "Yes, I'm embarrassed. I know you were talking to your new girl. I'm sorry."
Him: "Yes. I was, but its OK."
Now, when you read this it seems like two lovers (or past/ soon to be lovers) exchanging a conversation. This is the case, but to tell you it's different than what you think may seem asinine. Let's continue....
Me: “I’m sorry..." I am, but I'm also happy to have someone to talk to. Oh, but not just someone, a someone who knows me inside and out.
Him: “Don’t be sorry, it's OK, What's wrong?"
Me: “I don't know... *sniff sniff*"
Now for me to go on in dialogue would last all day and, frankly, I don't really want to.
I called the last person I would ever have expected to call when I felt love scorned. The fact that he answered says a lot about how far we have come from our past and the things we have accomplished. Who would have thunk it? Not me, not him, not anyone that knew us.
We continued with our conversation; me going on and on about what I hoped would have been and the realization of what will actually be with this so called love scorner (Let me clarify that I blame no one but myself for my recent scorning of love). ANYWAYS...
He listened, and he understood. He told me the things that he felt I needed to here, and he told me what he felt I was worth.
And then I told him the deepest darkest parts of myself that I never shared even when we were together.
I'm confused??
Why was I so afraid to share this with him when we shared our life together? Why couldn’t I tell him how much he meant to me? Why did I hide the things that didn’t make me feel good; the fact that I didn’t feel appreciated, the fact that I knew he didn’t know how much he meant to me. That stuff matters!
Hiding the things that hurt only made them fester and grow.
To tell the ones we love the good, the bad, and the ugly means to release them. We cannot keep these things from the ones we love. Regardless of whether or not we want to acknowledge it, once we tell the ones we love what hurts us the most, or even the opposite, what makes us feel good, it’s in their hands. What they do with it they will do with it.
When we make ourselves so totally vulnerable to the ones we love, we make ourselves vulnerable to receive the most amazing kind of love. If they do not take what we have to say and handle it in the most precious manner, then they could destroy us if we let them. To open ourselves so entirely to someone means to show them how you work.
Like opening the back of a clock; this lever makes the clock do this, and this lever makes the clock do that. You reveal this to someone and they now have the key to make you tick or tock. Or maybe, even without even realizing it, stop time completely.
This is a hard pill to swallow for me. Maybe just because of the type of person I am. I want the ones that I love to know every little detail about what makes me tick. The reality of it is, maybe they have never handled this kind of "clock" before. It's different, it's ancient, and it ticks a lot differently then the others might tock.
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