I'm really trying (really needing) to write at this moment but it's just not happening as easily tonight. I put on my head phones, turned Pandora to Dave Mathews radio (which has been my writing partner since day one of this blog), and started typing. I usually don't write unless I get some kind of inspiration, it just helps me to not become frustrated. Funny thing is frustration actually became my motivation tonight.
I read a quote from this blog http://living-authentically.blogspot.com/ that help put some things into retrospect for me:
"Without sadness, happiness cannot exist. They complete each other."
Some emotions are really difficult for me to feel, sadness being one of those. I hate it, feeling sad or lonely. I know these aren't emotions any one really WANTS to feel, but I understand that a small majority are comforted by their hurt. Me, I'm not one of them. So, anytime I feel an icky emotion that I don't want to feel, I just push it away and mask it. I need to stop this. I need to feel my emotions because I believe it's the only way to figure out why I'm feeling a certain way, to move forward and out of it.
Like I said, the writing is not coming easy for me tonight. Usually I would give up and try again at a later time, but tonight I wanted to try something new. I wanted to feel the frustration that comes with not being able to express myself in my words. I want to accept that I'm not always going to be able to feel the good emotions, to acknowledge and feel the bad ones as well. Because like Dan said in his blog, the good emotions complete the bad emotions.
So here I am. I'm feeling the frustration and irritation but guess what, I also feel triumphant and happy as I reread this post checking for spelling errors and such. Because I did it, I wrote. It may not be one of my best blogs, but isn't that one of the joys of blogging? The good, the bad, and the ugly right there for all the world to see. This is me at this very moment and I'm putting it out there, and now I'm going to accept it. The End.
I'm glad you're learning to deal with negative emotions. For years, i tried to contain them as well, but it only made things worse. I also tried writing about them in my blog, but that didn't really do any good either because re-reading them brought back the negative feelings. These days, I still have plenty of negative emotions, but I just label them for what they are. For the past three days, I've been completely alone. While many people don't mind being alone, it's something I have to deal with on a daily basis. It really hurts not to have any kind of contact with anyone, except maybe online, but it's not the same.
ReplyDeleteAs you wrote, suffering is part of life and it's not a good thing to try to deny it. However, knowing that you can be aware of that suffering is the first step in controlling it. The important thing is to acknowledge it, then know that it has no power over you.
I cannot tell you how many times I have started a post with no inspiration whatsoever, and then a single word, or a picture or a phrase appears in my head and then bingo! an entire story comes to life. Writing, like anything else takes practice. Sometimes just writing a paragraph a day is enough, sometimes three pages. The thing is to do it regularly. I should take my own advice.....Congratulations, you did it!
ReplyDeleteThanks Bill! I'm so glad that my mom found your blog, you're writing is beautiful to me. I get inspired every time I read one. I should also say that you're blog was what initially inspired me to start this post, but you know how it is when you have inspiration and then it's lost in an instant. Sometimes my mind get's the best of my heart and the flame that ignited my inspiration is lost. If you didn't know, my mom is Kristi. She writes Life After 40 and is also my best friend.
Deleteyou post made me think of this....it took a few days to find it...and keep up the writing.
ReplyDelete"“If you discover a very thick and deep shadow, be sure that there is, somewhere within you, a great light. You must learn to use one to reach the other.
In the East, this theme is well known: at the center of all our darkness there is a sun; at the heart of our ills there is an opposite mystery. Each element, however obscure it may be, even the most grotesque mistake, contains “depths of truth.” We must pass from one to the other.
In Christianity, this passage, this “easter” takes the shape of the cross, but—as we have too often forgot in the West—it is a transfigured cross. The free acceptance of death opens onto resurrection, the two are indivisible.
Alphonse Goetmann, Dialogue on The Path of Initiation